I was having a pretty good day until 1) I couldn't find all the tools I needed to put up the shelves in the front hall closet and 2) T showed up.
T is our therapist and I love her with all my heart. My husband, his late wife and their kids saw her for years before I came on the scene. She is the first one to dx me CORRECTLY after all the drs I saw while my ex was in the military. I told them everything I told her and got all kinds of off the wall dxs. PTSD (due to an abusive childhood) and Borderline Personality Disorder (probably from being raised by a BPD mother.....nature or nurture.....it could be argued either way...........but who the hell really cares anyway)???
Well, T has become very close with our family.....more close than we really should have been. And because I got totally out of control last week she realized that the boundaries have become too blurred and we need to keep it more on a client/therapist level. Fair enough. And she takes full responsibility for allowing the "friendship" part of the relationship to take place..........but I still feel like I've lost my only friend. Brenda died last year and Jeffrey is leaving for Japan next week. I feel so alone and abandoned. I guess it kinda reminds me of when I was little. My mother was always leaving me home alone........from as early as I can remember.
OH WELL....such is life and I hate it. I hate that I hurt T enough for her to realize how close she was getting to us. (Although I totally realize why there are ethical boundaries etc etc etc with clients/patients and their therapists/doctors. I still feel so bad for hurting her.
I just feel like she's just another person in a long line of people that i have hurt because I don't know what's what when it comes to relationships. I don't understand how they work. Such is the nature of BPD and I'm working my damndest to fix that. In the meantime........life still sucks royally.
