Blah.....

Another Blah Day where all I want to do is crawl into my comfy chair and knit. Lately, I feel almost obsessed with knitting. Like I can get away from the whole world when I'm knitting. I'm trying to figure out if it's just my obsessive nature that once I find a craft I jump into it 5000%...and then some. Or if it's more than that. Like just wanting to get away from the world because of depression.
Things are going as well as expected with Jim and I. Which means that I'm madly in love with him and he totally loves me and we are devoted to each other. BUT, we communicate in such different ways and show our feelings in such different ways that we find ourselves hurting one another unintentionally.....and sometimes intentionally. We each have our buttons from our pasts that we are learning to deal with. By 'deal with' I mean learning what the other person's buttons are and avoid pushing them AND learning WHY a certain thing is a button and trying to 'disconnect' the emotion to that button so that it's no longer an issue. These are things that we are working on hard and strong, but sometimes I feel like there's never going to be a time where I feel normal, loved, needed, cared for, appreciated, etc etc. And I am all those things with Jim....but a lot of the times I just can't feel it. And the same goes for him. And that's where are problems lie. How to NOT push each other's hurt buttons....and how to show the other person how much we love them. And conversely, how to realize that the button being pushed is usually a flashback to an OLD hurt....that the other person is not hurting us right now, but rather, we are immediately taken back to the time where we were hurt all the time by the people who claimed to love us. Also, we are learning to see the things that the other person is doing as a loving gesture and not take it the wrong way...and being sure to notice and appreciate what they are doing for us.
Anyway.
I still feel like crawling into my chair and just knitting until my arm hurts so badly I can't even move it anymore.
I feel overwhelmed by everything and just want to hide. The kitchen is torn apart in a massive way. All the cupboards are emptied onto the counters and we are rearranging things and spraying for ants and cockroaches (from that darned recliner I bought him!). We are pretty sure that the cockroaches are all gone, but you can't be too aggressive when trying to get rid of them.
Having all that stuff laying around just gets me in a overwhelmed funk. I can't function because I don't know what to do next so I just want to retreat and hide from it. I can't start to put all the things back until Jim puts the last shelf up....which he will hopefully do this weekend.
We bought all the stuff to make Points Friendly foods for the week...or two. But we can't cook because there is no room to prepare anything. Back to the overwhelmed funk. So I've eaten everything in sight.....which means I have failed miserably at trying to go back on Weight Watchers. And that just adds to the funk in a worse way. ie, In for a penny, in for a pound.
So, I'm trying to slowly work on stuff around the house and get it in order. I am REALLY hoping that I will not feel the need to hide once the house is clean again. I've been doing some cleaning and then start to get overwhelmed and sit and knit for a while. Then clean some more....then knit. I am slowly getting things done and I'm hopeing that it's just the 'house is a mess' funk and not worse depression.

Back to cleaning.....I blogged this time instead of knitting.