New Outlook.....

Jim and I have been working on our own hurts with Terri for some time now. Our pasts have scarred us and because of those scars we are hypersensitive to being hurt again. So our walls go up and as much as we love each other we still inadvertently hurt each other. We both want to change.....we both want it to be good...but we are having a hard time figuring out HOW to do that.....which, of course, is what Terri is helping us do.
There are times that it's like an armed camp here and we are both locked and loaded with all our body armor on. Those aren't nice times. But then things will come to a head and there will be a 'discussion' on what's going on and then the cease fire comes. But I still couldn't bring myself to open up to Jim or trust him...even though I love him. It was like the cease fire was fake because our issues weren't 'fixed' yet, so I was just going to get hurt again.
Terri reframed everything for me last night and this is huge for me. She said that it's more like being in a life raft in the middle of the Pacific. The bad times are when there are high seas and bad storms. Then the sun comes out. Things are better.....even though we are still in dire straits because we are still stuck in that life boat. But enjoy the time when the sun is shining and use that time to paddle hard to find dry land.
WOW!
This is such a huge thing for me. I don't think that neither Jim nor Terri have any idea of how huge this is. This is where the depths of my despair came from. I didn't see it that way. I just saw the 'nice' times as times of not shooting at each other....we were still enemies.....and nothing was worked out....I guess we were just taking time out to re-load for the next battle.
Not any more!!!!!!