Thursday, February 12, 2009

Frankie is never coming back....

I've cried and bawled for days. I miss him more than anything in the world. Part of my heart is now gone with him.


I was trying to explain to Jim what he meant to me. How I've always had cats all my life but NEVER have I had a cat like Frankie. When I was upset he was ALWAYS there. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!! He would wake me up in the middle of the night by touching his nose to my face and he would keep doing it until I woke up and put my around around him so he could curl up in the circle of my arm and rest his chin on my arm.


As I was explaining this to Jim I was trying to tell him Frankie was always there for me. I told him that he was.............so caring...........he was.................and "LIKE AN ANGEL" just popped into my head in a weird way. Like I was told it.....but no one said it.....I'm not hearing voices or anything like that. But it just came from...............well, not my brain.
I don't even remember if I told Jim he was like an angel. But I do remember thinking ......"All I know is that I just want him to come home" And exactly the same way, "He's needed elsewhere now" just popped into my head.


So what the heck is this??????? I don't presume to think that God speaks to me personally. Nor do I hear voices. But this came from somewhere. Half of me believes that it did come from and angel sent to comfort me.........and the other half believes that it's just my subconscious coming up with it to make myself feel better.





Oh....and then there's the dream. I dreamt.........no I ***EXPERIENNCED*** Frankie being there last night. That darned Topamax causes very vivid dreams,so this is nothing new.
But he was there and I was petting him.
And he was gone when I woke up so I asked Jim and he said that he's been gone over a week. And the same way that the other words came into my head it was "Now you've had one last night with him"
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry
cry

Friday, February 6, 2009

Can things get worse?

Yesterday was about the worst day ever.

E.V.E.R!!!!

And the funny thing is that all the huge breakdowns I've had in the past year, I'm still level.

The day before yesterday we had a MAJOR thing happen with our 16 year old son. It involves a 28 year old psycho woman who is married to someone close to our family and the police. This one is huge, but we are dealing with it the best we can.




And to top things off, my beloved Frankie didn't come home yesterday. He's started going outside, but just staying in the back yard. He was gone all day yesterday....which he NEVER is! He ALWAYS spends all day sleeping on HIS blankee on right by my pillow. At night he gets in bed when we do and makes his biscuits and then curls up and literally grabs my hand with his two paws so he can lay his head on it.
Whenever Jim and I have had huge falling outs....Frankie has always come up and cuddled with me and just purred and purred. There have been many, many times over the last few months that I have felt like Frankie is the ONLY being on the face of the earth that loves me no matter what. Things haven't been going well between Jim and me. But Frankie loves me no matter what.
Oh Frankie......please come home.......I need you......especially now!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, February 5, 2009